Healing Isn't Pretty

By: Kilondra Davis, MA, LMHC, NCC

"You Can't Heal What You Don't Let Yourself Feel"

Life has a way of taking us through so many ups and downs, so much so that many of us have an intrinsic desire to be healed and whole. When we think of the healing process, we often think that one day we will just be and feel better. We hope that the hurtful feelings will just go away, and when they don’t, we become upset and hard on ourselves. We do not imagine having to do extraneous work.

But...

What if I told you that the process of healing can be emotionally & physically exhausting.

Much like when we are healing from physical ailments, healing from emotional and psychological challenges is hard and uncomfortable. Its painful.

In order to heal, we have to step outside of the usual way we handle our emotions and challenging life events and pushing through the uncomfortability. Many of us may have heard the quote "Healing is not linear" and its true. It is a good illustration that shows healing does not happen in a straight line, instead it is a complicated process. It is the process of feeling the difficult emotions, of sitting with the difficult thoughts and memories, and of letting go of the thoughts, beliefs, and perspectives about ourselves, others, and the world that are no longer helpful. Knowing the true process of healing gives the opportunity for shedding unrealistic expectation. If we have those unrealistic expectations, it actually prolongs the processing and can be damaging to it.

Healing isn’t pretty.

Have you ever had an ‘ugly’ cry? One where there may be wailing, a pain in your stomach, unending flow of tears, and maybe even snot! As gross as that may sound, Healing can also be ‘ugly’ and everyone's ‘ugly’ healing process is different. It can look like having moments where you are:

• Crying

• Setting Boundaries

• Angry, Frustrated, Sad

• Wanting space from others

• Using healthier ways to cope

• In bed all day doing ‘nothing’

• Shedding unhealthy thoughts and beliefs

• Going back to an unhealthy coping behavior

Here are some tips to remember while you heal:

• You can be healing while you are still hurting

• Be kind to yourself, you’re trying to better yourself

• Try not to judge yourself for where you are in your healing process

• Take as long as you need to feel and process. There is no designated timeframe.

• Try not to compare your healing to others. Comparing can delay and damage the process

Even though the process of healing is not a breeze, it is definitely worth it!

It allows for the shedding of unhelpful behaviors and beliefs. It allows you to thrive and become the person you long to be. So remember, its not supposed to be easy, its not supposed to happen over night. But it will happen. Healing is not linear.